Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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