he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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