I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
