found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
