Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
