The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
