You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
