he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize