the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
