i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
