just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
