He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
