she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
