i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
