you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
