She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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