And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
