my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
