I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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