she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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