Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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