apparently the secret to your success is patron
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
