as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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