i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
