covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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