i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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