i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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