Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
