Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize