I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
