Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
