idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
