Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
