mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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