don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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