That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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