My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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