I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize