dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
