i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
