Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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