I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
