Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
