also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize