There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
