It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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