I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
