I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
