You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
