i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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