Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
