Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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