Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
