In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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