I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
