god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
