I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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