only if we run a train.
done.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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