boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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