Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize