I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
