If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
