i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
