I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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