just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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