I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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