I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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