Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
