I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
