remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
